Winter Blues

Me and my empty side of the pillow

you and the winter blues

Fireflies are hiding now and

mornings are foggy and the dew

on the leaves, and my empty side

of the pillow.

If I could make the hues of the evening

as I desire

and the empty chair in front of me

makes me want to get a little more

higher.

Then I give you a call at night

to let you know how i feel,

then I take a walk outside to realize

what I miss.

There's something about you

I cant explain, I talk about you

but its not the same.

And when the night turns dark

I have no fear,

but of the empty side of the bed.

The death of Summers and the sunset hues

You, and the winter blues.

The Labyrinth

In a busy marketplace with a hundred gullies leading to more brightly lit branches of this never ending world of fruits, vegetables, fake watches, aquariums full of neon, and the peddlers. Everyone spoke a different language and they looked at everyone as they passed by their shops, right in the eye. I tried to imagine this place empty, but i just couldn't.

A kid wanders off a feet from his parent, and grabs an unknown person's hand and walks away looking at the colors of the market in awe. The crowd pours in swallowing a story right in front of me. I did try and look for the kid, but soon I realized, the more I try to find here, the more I get entangled in this eerie bright paradise of the cold people who stare into your eyes and read you minds.

My mind is calm now, i focus on the job in hand, 'GET OUT OF HERE' and walk opposite to the direction I was facing. I tried to recognize faces among those ever staring eyes and the fixed smiles. And as soon as their glance shifts, they exchange a few words in their secret language and go back to luring customers. I know there are stairs which will lead me to the road that goes home.

The only familiar place here was the place in the market with a circular garden. And I have already been here thrice. The kid walks by, happy and enjoying the blue cotton candy. "Stop!" I say, and get pushed away, He says "I am the father", and the child shrieks away. I stand there looking at the ground, ignoring the stares by the mob. I was only trying to help.

Soon it rained, and the gullies were empty, the shops had people lined up like products in an assembly line, no one had a face. and I found a big path connecting all the paths . I followed it and it got me home. Some days I still walk by the market to see a few of them looking at me. But I dare not enter, and never mind what happened to the story of the Lost kid and a stranger.

Golden

The flight of the yellow butterflies towards the sun

Will leave a trail of ash in the sky, and warn those who dare

and look into the eyes of the star, and stare away.

The race for the start has begun,

The flight of the yellow butterflies towards the sun.

In The Dream

I open my eyes

and see the beast beside of me

and I try to go back

but my shadow just wont

stop following me.

I close my eyes

and go back to restless sleep

and I dream of a good night

when I wake up with a smile

and not remember about it a bit.

I open my eyes

and claw the wind with my nails

I see the angels smile,

smiling at my restless flight

and I change with the seasons

and the sun is shining bright.

I close my eyes

wondering if this is real

what if I'm in my dream

And if I pinch myself

would I wake up to a shining moonlight

or demons shivering at the thoughts

of my rage.

I wonder

Which way is home,

sometimes.

I look into your eyes

and lie,

some days.

And some days,

I close my eyes

trying to win

against a restless night

full of restless dreams

trying to ignore my shadow.

Rain Smell

I tried counting the stars
Lying on my back i saw
One shooting star zip by.
Oh My!
I closed my eyes and made a wish
'I wish i could fly like a fish'
'I wish i could swim like a bird'
'If only i could describe my emotions'
Most of the times
I don't have no word.
As the night passes by
I counted ten shooting stars
every time i made a wish...
I even wished i had a car
Suddenly i remembered
My friend had asked
A gift.....
The smell of rain in a flask
I waited all night for a star to zip by
I could make a wish
And gift her that.

I wish you were here when i saw it
The star landed up beside me like a rocket
The star was sitting right by me
I was awestruck, had nothing to say
"do you remember how you felt when you were born?"
"do you remember the first time you got hurt?"
"have you ever felt the heartbeats of your mother?"
"have you ever wondered why we wish on shooting stars?"
Here take this flask and give it to her
Fill it with love, fill it with pain
Fill it with all the moments you've gained
fill it with all the times you laughed
The day you cried sitting in the dark
Fill it with everything you've felt
Heat it a little and let it melt.


So here it is, everything needed......a flask full of everything I've got.....I hope you like it. There is nothing compared to the smell of rain, happiness in pain. I wish I could wish some more but...

I never saw a shooting star again....
if I could,
I would gift you
a love song
This time
I gift you
The smell of rain.

IF

If Jesus was born on a battle ground
None would have won or lost in a war
If someone could pen down music
You would stop listening to it
If love could be bottled
We would stop searching and start buying it
If life was in our hands
We would stop worrying about it
If everyone started speaking the truth
They would stop judging people
If everyone lived a perfect life
You would stop watching movies
If only I could see it for myself
I would start believing...

Answers

OK. So lets do this once more....

And trust me....this wont be the last time. We'll keep doing this again and again...again n again........again and fuckin' again till we get tired....Maybe sit down, relax for a bit and start looking outside the window....with a paper in your left hand...and a pencil you'd start chewing at the end....

OK. So lets do this once more....

When does it stop? ... Oh don't I wonder that too!! Doesn't everyone else??!!
And maybe the answer is "it wont"...ever. At least not till the time you or I change. But that isn't happening very soon....Take it or leave it baby....this is what I am!!! No ice creams and definitely no cherries....I'm hardcore me....and then one day I when everyone is busy and no one picks up the call.....you'll lie down on your bed looking at the fan....Is it me...or am I someone else today?

OK. So lets do this once more.....

You know...we've done this so many times before. How many times have you cried, felt sad, cribbed for love??....O gimme a break if you say 'never'....Why is it that other people are so much more important than your are?....Cant you be a little selfish??
And that's what i ask myself....when i end up sitting on a chair looking at the rains....only thoughts....no answer.

OK. So lets do this once more.....

Monotony fills up your pathetic life as you keep taking your girl out for drives\drinks\dates\holidays...monotony fills up as you listen to the same tracks again and again....you read and write the same bloody rhyming poems again and again. Sometimes you feel ashamed that you call this "Work". There's a job waiting for you....rush, brush, sparkle, work work work.....come back home, go out, attend calls, wash, watch TV, drink beer, food, sleep......AND THE FUCKIN' WHEELS IN THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND!!!!!

OK...SO LETS BLOODY DO THIS ONCE MORE!!!!

Don't you see......Or You wont see?

THIS is what is meant to be...and THIS is how its supposed to be. So lets stop cribbing....and lets start living.

The Borderline

Searching for the borderline
Somewhere to go, stop, sit.
Think about life as the soft
Comforting touch once got
From a newborn still pink.
Choose to stay or choose to go
Don’t tell me,
I don’t want to know
I’m too fragile to understand
To stubborn to break.
On my way to find an end,
A sigh of relief
And nothing else to look forward to
Until the end.
New song, I love you so much
I will never let you go
Until there’s another one.
Searching for something
No one’s ever found
The place where everyone goes
And not a sound
A place to resolve the end
And to impregnate a future
Someplace where mountains are polished
Shining, reflecting the sun
Where the moon’s like the green lampshade
Bought last year and still looks lovely
Searching for a stop
Searching for an start
Searching for that,
Perfect world we laugh at.

The Wish

The Clouds

I saw the clouds on a clear winter afternoon back when i had just moved into a new place on the hills. I was so amazed....It was so good, i got lost in no thoughts just time and awe. It led to to the thoughts of a shooting star i had seen last night and the wish was due. I wished that the clouds would come down on earth and I could walk on them.

Evening came and air grew colder...walking back home suddenly the clouds really came down. At first it looked wonderful, but then i couldn't find my way back home. It was beautiful, the feeling of walking in the clouds...breathing in the clouds...the feeling of your wish coming true.

But i just couldn't figure out what was happening around me, it was so cloudy...was i lost or was this the right way home?? I stopped and looked around, i saw just me and my dream which had come true....how do i get back home now. I am lost, or am i?

But then i smiled, i guess it always feels good to live in your dreams, good to know that your dreams do come true once in a while...I just hope it gets over soon and i can go back home. Till then i will enjoy it, maybe enjoy it so much that I'd never wake up...

Or maybe, when i see the sky again, I'll search for a shooting star, and be a little greedy and wish some more.

Alive and Hallucinating

Alive

..............And then i was stuck in a sandstorm, and i couldn't see which way to go. I looked back and i had come too far to run...i knew the sand will swallow me. My nightmare had come to life. I just stood there helpless as the huge storm was closing in....any second now...i could feel my nose bleeding from all the sand i was inhaling.
Then the truck managed to save me...i was still alive, in the middle of the road, i looked at the truck roll forward in full speed. He didn't kill me. The truck seemed so far, i was stuck in the middle of the ocean. The remains of the ship were too far now. I was conscious now, and stuck.
The water picked me and then pushed me down...and then i saw the big wave, any second now....i know I'm going deep inside the ocean and before i can swim up, sea water will rush down my lungs and cleanse it from what i have inhaled.

I woke up coughing, my throat was dry, needed water. so i walked to the kitchen and the floor vanished beneath me, i was floating, i looked down and the pavement was reaching for me fast, i was sleepwalking and i just walked off the roof, and the pavement was coming to get me...the nightmare was alive and a million hands were fighting to grab me from beneath the pavement.

I could hear the gravel crunch...The car i was sleeping in came to a stop.

"Dude...you're home...reach your room safely OK....and don't enjoy the party this much!"

Missing You

I haven't been drinking
though, still not sober,
I don't want to speak to you so much
that i'v started missing you all over
The other day i flew a paper plane
and none went as high as i wanted to
But then the wind brought along, rain
No more planes to fly and nothing to do,
There's nothing left to distract me
and now... i'm missing you.

Optimal Emotions

o shit! the summer's going away
I know it i know it
The wind's told me that
The rains are on their way
These were the thoughts in September
now...
o shit! the rains are pulling away
I look at it look at it
The clouds
they're going back home
far far away
I'm filled with optimal emotions
just enough to feel good,
just enough to feel bad
i had loved the time spent in summers
feverish winds and the tree shades
Eating walnuts and cold mead
The rains were too good to forget
looking out the window
sitting on my bed
I had loved the way it had turned green
A little girl turned drama queen
But now has come another day
the fog puts the blinds
and the weather turns grey
The ground will turn so cold again
shivers down your spine every time
memories and moments you spent this year
Friends and fortunes you made and lost this year,
a cup of coffee and an old magazine
a little wood and some fire
and some movies you had never seen
till the time your heart is heavy again
it'll be time you'll be saying
o shit! the winters are going away
This had been juuust fine....
just enough to feel good,
just enough to feel bad.

Paradise

Please don’t clean my room,
No please don’t
I find paradise in here,
Its clean you see,
The floor is clean and so are the windows
Run you fingers with a white glove on,
You won’t find a dot I bet.
But please don’t clean my room
I find mountains and moonlight here,
It’s arranged you see,
Everything I want to find is right under the stack
It’s never too difficult.
It’s my own masterpiece,
Arranged for my convenience,
Oh I know you don’t like it,
And I know you think it’s a mess
And I know you want to clean it up,
But love, I’ll never be able to love you after that.
Let it the way it is,
I find honeymoon in here,
Oh please don’t clean my room honey,
I’ll lose my homework again.

Rainbow

The day was fine
every leaf said out loud
I'm tired of hangin' in here
who said the future's near?
I walked on the road
and then it drizzled,
and the road was cleansed
and the leaves were clean
and it gave the leaf
another hope...
and then i saw it there
The rainbow,
one i had seen long before
and i kept looking,
everyone kept looking
and i smiled,
There is hope always,
after all.
The clouds shifted
and the winds drifted
and i saw you,
the clouds....
they had turned into you
and you had turned into a cloud
and the rainbow, was right there
and you were right here
looking at it, right beside me
and i smiled,
there is you, always,after all.

Left Untouched

Did i ever ask you why you keep your eyes open sometimes, when we make love, or when you smile when we are done? I don't ask you many things because i don't want an answer, somethings are better left alone. 
Some days when we fight you scream at me, i say mean things and we hate each other. i have always wondered why you always cry when we make up and hug each other.
On a rainy day you sit looking at me working, you smile, you get up and give me a kiss on the cheek and then go back to looking at the rainfall from the window. I never asked you why do you do this.
I open my eyes some nights and you know I'm awake, how do you know that i need you within reach. why you play with my hands in the morning.

How do you know so much. 

I don't even know if its supposed to be a question mark. 

I don't know you. 

Or maybe I'm too selfish, or maybe I'm too scared to ask........I don't ask you many things because i don't want an answer,

somethings are better left alone.

For The Day

Its time to go to sleep now
Lullaby isnt that sweet
So it happned one day
I let you walk away.
Its time again to go to sleep
I weep
But my eyes dont cry
why...
Maybe i should call you once
sometimes i miss you
other times i force myself
to sleep.
If only you would call
i'm sure we could start again
i'm waiting for the day
When its time for you to sleep
And i would walk away,
smiling,
Letting you weep.

Wonderland

I was told once
That you could smell fear
And for some reason
I believed it.
But one day
When I was out there,
I stopped.

I saw a mirror once
Which told you the future
For which I waited for
For a long long time
For a future which
Never Did come
Oh how dumb

But then I grew old
And so I grew cold
‘cuz what you see aint true
This place is so fake
Here time is sand
Please help me out
Of this wonderland.

Never Taught

Once in Japan i ate Japanese food and i wondered why its common here. Why did i come all the way when i could have just sat and ordered it from there. How did the world shrink so much and why did i grow up so fast, when did the comic strips turn into a newspaper and the 9PM slot of news is now a 24 hour channel. When did my life start being pushed aside by me and how did i end up knowing so much about that girl on TV, When did my bike turn 3 years old and all these surprises,in school, i had never been told. I remember point A where i started from and i kept tumbling down a pipe with the days passing by and i remember point B. How did the computer fit into my hand and how did the flowers grow in that barren land and why do i remember that girl i saw and why did she stop smiling when she saw me.
Back in my country i sip good tea, i wonder about the faded memories and what happened, between point A and point B.

Something Else

I'm a little bit awkward
Look at you look at me
a little bit sad, then happy
for you for me
Are we friends or are we
something else.
We sit around, talk all day
go out, drive far away.
Talk till late at night
sometime fall asleep
over the phone or
in each others arms.
I'm always at your place
you are always at mine
we ask each other who
was it that you were talking to
Are we friends or are we
something else.
You just sit there watching TV
i drink my beer
we just sit down smiling
never feel queer.
Will this story stay
do i wait
am i wrong to ask myself
that is this real or something else,
Are we friends or are we
something else.

BAM BAM is a good boy

BamBam is a good boy, BamBam does everything on time, he comes to work everyday and on time too! Everyone loves him and sometimes people make fun of him going to sleep early. But the next day when BamBam is smiling and the rest of them are in a hangover, the joke turns on them.
BamBam is alone. He wants to live a normal life. He gets himself so busy in work that the worries don’t worry him anymore. BamBam wants to be free. He doesn’t want his cheeks to hurt when at night he goes to sleep and finally he doesn’t have to smile at everyone.
So one day I decided to break free and do what I want to do. And I woke up, threw the alarm out of the window and heard the heavy clock hit someone on the street.
“What the fuck!!” said the voice of the hurt man
“it came from BamBam’s window” said another voice
“Oh…then its ok” said the hurt man.
Should I be happy or should I be sad?
I went back to sleep feeling not even a little guilty about not going to work. I ordered a pizza and waited for him to be late and then scolded the pizza guy. As I slammed the door shut, I had this sense of accomplishment; I smiled and ran to the window to see the sad pizza guy walking off. But wait!! No!! he wasn’t sad! He was happily chatting away on the phone with someone.

The rest of the day wast so bad. My room was a mess, it smelled of pizza and my burps were garlicky, I hadn’t shaved or taken a bath, the TV was on some Russian channel on loud and the music was some circus music. I went out to the market and got myself beer and weed. I smoked it and I drank it and I felt fine. Went out to a street where people are strange and abused a few whores. The lights were shining brighter than I had ever seen before. Got into a fight but I think I had enough sanity left in me to not try and fight back. I hurled a few bad words, really bad mind you, and ran for my life.
Life couldn’t be better. I was so perfect in doing this. Why did I ever go to work to do the same things everyday? On time, perfect, clean, liked by everyone life. This is good.


This is fun. So I got some more booze and drank my way into the shiny, colorful streets of bizzarland where girls were so sexy and the men so drunk and the kids smoked cigarettes and the dolls hit on them. I looked around feeling proud. I could feel every eye on me as I walked.
Is it because I’m new or is it because I’m drunk?
Maybe they like what they see? Or maybe I’m too dumb.
But I walked on and into that pub with thousands of people. Liters of booze, flashes or colour and the ladies all muse. I smiled as I walked not knowing where to go and stopped when I reached the bar.
“One jack and coke my friend” I said to the bartender.
And then I heard the name I had not expected to hear this night. I heard it loud and clear and it played in my head like an echo for sometime before It disappeared and I turned to look who said it…
“BamBam!!!”
“BamBam!!!”
“What are you doing here my man!! Nice to see you here!”
I smiled at all the hugs I was getting and the fame. My body was wobbling and I couldn’t stand anymore and I puked. Then I ran in disgust of my own doing and I ran to hide my face. Into the streets I ran and I lost my way. It was all a haze.

The next day I woke up in my apartment, all hung over and headache. I had some orange juice and shaved. Put on my best suite and a matching tie, couldn’t do anything about the bulge on the under eye. I was sleepy, sad and mad at myself for doing what I did last night. And that too in front of people i know. Disgusting. Disgusting.
A deep breath before I entered the office, my eyes looking down I walked as if walking the walk of shame to my desk.
“BamBam! Always on time!”
And soon everyone was smiling and so was i. It was a normal normal day. I never figured out the people I met in the pub or who got me home, but I did realize, I wasn’t that alone.

Dimensions Of A Winter

Strange sometimes how the memories of the hospitality of your loved once once, haunts you. You keep running away from the dark days which were once very good, once when you were in love and once when you were good. My dreams are filled with horrors of something bad yet to happen but somehow, when i discuss it, it doesn't seem so scary.
That scares me. Am i losing it? Or am i just OK?
Bonfire with friends around seem like pits full of coal, sometimes in a happy occasion i stand alone and sulk. Why? they ask me and i pretend to be OK. Why do i pretend? I don't even have a reason to sulk? Winter blues?

running on the track early morning i saw this poor kid shivering on the grass, probably still asleep, or maybe dying. I keep me jacket on him or her, it too difficult to see into all the filth on a skinny bone and skin body. satisfied i jogged away. that night i was haunted by the dreams on this kid. I woke up scratching my body. It wasn't itching. Why does it happen to me? why is it happening to me?

Where i am can not be described. I'm stuck in these dreadlocks of a filthy world which i was born and the rest of it i created. The dreadlocks of unwashed world where love isn't respected and respect isn't loved. Am i one of them? The thought makes me puke. Makes me wander out alone at nights in the streets filled with prostitute's allure, dirty orgasms of drugs, violence and forgetful orgasms. then i sit alone at home watching movies of the same plot.

Its so dark all the time. In the morning its cloudy, its winter, its cold. One of the windows far away is open and standing is a beautiful girl with her hair still wet. She doesn't have clothes on. The winter sends me shivers for breakfast and she, she just seems to smile and love the freezing wind on her naked body. Her eyes closed, her smile so faint.....I just stand there looking at her wondering what makes her happy today? Don't you love her already?


She looked at me, her lips stopped smiling and for a moment our eyes met, and she was gone. She didn't come back for a long time after that. Everyday i would stand there fighting the cold breeze and wait for her. 

I wonder if the filthy kid is still alive or if the knots of people's destiny are tied..Lets drive down to the sun and get some warmth in me, someone, anyone. Where is my last year and a year before that, how will this new year be? would i get stuck in an uncalled misery again in a happy party? 

I entered the elevator and saw her inside. She saw me too, quickly glanced away and walked out without looking back. I had forgotten about her. That night i thought about her, the whole night i twisted and turned thinking about her. the next day i woke up without sleeping at all and stood at the balcony looking at the window. She came.

Hair wet, drops of water still caressing her body and rolling down, eyes closed, smile on her face. She opened her eyes, looked at me, smiled a little more...and then closed the curtains. I fought the temptation to go knock on her door. How can i be so foolish falling in a trap again. How can i let my past not teach me a grain.

I stood in the party alone and smiled at nothing and people came and smiled at me. I drove down the empty road feeling so happy again. I smoked a cigarette and the smell was tempting again. was i in love or was i falling again. Months went by and we would meet for that glance.

I met her again in the elevator. 

"Hello" i said

"hello" she said looking straight ahead.


The elevator stopped and she went out and was standing by the road. I followed. 5 steps behind. My heart racing, my nerves jumping, my hands cold. 

a car stopped, a guy came out and hugged her, and she hugged him too. they sat and she went away.

the next day she was there at the window. and the next day, and the next day and the next day.....i had fallen in love again.

For me to get out of this mess is to be alive again. there is something about this life, the sun, the moon, the window...They give you comfort only when they are far away.

JIM

from the man too shy to face them
to the man the spotlight adored
yes i will die one day
be washed towards the shore
He went she went, i am number 3
yes pam i love you, do you love me?
authority please i dont want
authority please go away
Crap it may sound for you
but i know what to say.
Party on, lots of people
lots of 20 somethings for you
lots of people lots of booze
all everyone wants is you.
Sit down sunset with me someday
sit down as i sit alone
sit with me my loneliness
how do i get back home?
Give me something give me peace
give me something i havnt tried
give me passion or give me weed
or hate me i never lied.
Its hot this night and its clear in the sky
the smell of burnt rubber
mint, whisky, death, ignorance
grit, dislike, faith, love, shy.
All i ask is to give this
give me before i die
Al i ask for forgiveness
and i hope you never cry.
Give me some love baby
give it to me before i die.

Three Wishes

A melancholic Geanie appears out of the old lamp. Phlagmatic me, stood there watching the spectacle without a twitch.

"Who disturbed me!" he said, with a deep voice.

I stuck my hand up.

"I grant you three wishes for everytime you make me smile"

I played around with the possibilities for a while. A big house, a big car, a flashy gadget... and walked away, happy with unlimited dreams hidden in those three wishes.

"What about your wishes human?" He asked.

"You're paying me to make you smile. If i could pay you to get my emotions back, i would. I guess the three wishes are for someone else. Take care Mr Geanie"

The walk through the fields with the sun setting far away was very silent. Somewhere around that tree is my home where i lived alone. I tucked myself in the bed and felt sad for Mr Geanie.

I woke up next day with a smile and two coins in my pocket. Thnaks Mr Geanie, i have found a friend too.

Chronic

Chronic

Intuitions and paradoxes
When did i fall in love with the unkempt
the life of it, oh so much
the taste of it, so much more
I walk out of that door and turn
i see you hair and the spread kohl
should i walk back in or maybe...
Farewell then my sense of greed
the sixth sense, mostly a need
i pass by that door sometimes
your cold feet against the body of mine
Institutions and Asylums
the day it was, so much blue
but the way it was, so much grey
the smell it, oh so much
the feel of it, so much more
i walk in that house and i freeze
the bedsheet and the same crease
are you mocking me? maybe not..
what holds me back holding you
the tears of mine or the morning dew
i walk out that door again
smiling, knowing i'd meet you again.

Beware - Madmen Ahead!

Beware. You might be its next victim. Lock your doors and shut close all the windows. Its coming for you. And when it hits you, you won’t even know when it happened and no matter how much you want to get out of its reach… You can’t. You’ll be stuck until someone sane rescues you out of it. And I bet…You’ll yet again fall prey to another one of its kind.

You might think what is this crap all about?

Look around you, look at yourself…I’m talking about all of us. There is madman lurking at every corner, and yes… I and you are one of them. The Madmen.

Madmen waking up early and trying our best to be perfect, trying to be someone you saw last week at the movies, on the TV watching the news, trying to attain the paradise you saw the other day on the billboard, the cornflakes commercial, the gym advertisements, the anti aging anti wrinkle, anti ‘use your head’ creams showing beautiful models with a screen darker and the 19 year old tuning younger still….

We’re madmen dieting the hell out of our stomachs, following health regimens running more than we could to keep fit, eating minimal, lifting weights to be the man of her dreams, popping in pills to have and give sexual pleasures, measuring the lengths of our seniority and imposing the strength on the others to prove their subordination…

We’re just another bunch of psychos fighting our way to the best job and the highest paid, the best house and the sexiest maid…running wild in discount shops so that you can waste your money on that snake leather jacket worth millions, getting hold of the bulkiest watches and speed dial smaller phones which we’re going to keep losing.

Unlike the others there is a special type of madmen. Madmen standing beneath the rain putting their tongues out to lick the drops straight out from the sky, the bunch of idiots in search of soul playing a musical instrument or trying to attain eternity listening, eyes closed, to the music others made. Madmen making a profit out of writing some bullshit like this piece of crap, madmen rushing straight home from work to change and make it on time for their dates.

Psychos who would always think they’re better, and psychos who would always think “I’m none of the above”, madmen who’re would be losers, listening to rock songs dreaming of a life they never had, having orgasms over the experiences other people had, people searching for bigger boobs, better sex, psychos running wild in search of “True Love”.

If there was any reason not to call the people, who think they have a peaceful and cultured life, loser and madmen of a low category, I still would…wouldn’t i?... because I’m the psycho asshole who’s writing it isn’t it?

We’re all madmen in search of another hole in the bathroom from where we can sneak a peek at the lady taking a bath at the Bate’s Motel. We’re just the same psychos we’ve been scaring ourselves with watching them in movies, reading them in novels, madmen trying to find another mad thing to do. And there is no stopping to that. So beware…Its coming. And the day it gets you, you’ll have another mad thing to do.

Sshhh...Make Me Sad

Sshhh...Make Me Sad

Where do i.. where do i find the road back..when do i go back home. Let me be someone i dont want to be and see, maybe i'm not that bad. Maybe i'm not that good, to be.. give me one reason to go and two reasons to stop, bar it or not. Freshmint me clear or lose me in an hour, sort it out or expect me to sort, make me a slave or make me rot....Make me ,not what i want to be and i'l be fine.

Find you wrapped up and give you a blanket and you find me frowned and give me a hug. Sleeping, dreaming....when i wake up i feel warm. You make me look out at the birds and i make you look at shards of fire in leftovers of a bonfire. Orange says hello black, welcome to ashes.

Sunday will be soon again and i will stay. I'll wake up with a sad face and it will never go away. You there, smile. I here, look at you and think...Wake up, talk to me, tell me to be what i have been and let me be what i dont want to be. Then i close my eyes...

Tell you a story someday, make you smile, tell you i cant sing and make you sad sad...sad. Make me....Make me Mad.

What Matters?

                                                                 What Matters?

As long as we make a part of someone's dream somewhere and make them smile. I might not be happy, or you might not be sad, we might not be good together or together me might be really mad...as long as we are somewhere making someone not wanting to wake up today, the job is well done.Someday you will feel it was better before and one day you'll say its the best day of my life. One day nostalgia will overcome peace and tomorrow you might meet new people. Grass is always greener on the other side and you will keep jumping from this side to that, and then back to today. 

Happiness is a figment of our imagination, and dreaming is good. Nightmares might be bad and you might feel safe on the safer side of waking up but then the times when you don't want the dreams to end, you sleep smiling.

What we think is reality might be just a dream and when it all ends, we might wake up on the day everything was perfect..and do everything all over again. This time, differently though. Theories are numerous and proofs are still to be found, but if there is nostalgia, there is truth. And truth never lets you down.

Stuck in a situation or carefree, fighting for a cause of just let it be, some choices will make you sad and some will make you mad. But some, will make you feel like not waking up and looking at the person next to you, no matter how happy that sight is.

This mind given to us does strange things to us. More happiness and more satisfaction, more desires and more wants. Keep trying and keep trying. Felt and seen by everyone, you might love someone and betray some you loved, God must have been on your side or luck might be your angel, Hell might be a party and heaven could be a a boring place.

Stairway to heaven or Highway to hell...Take any, will lead you to someone. Some days you will get by with a hug and some days you will hug and your eyes will be open. Your eyes not visible to anyone, open, thinking about someone you hugged once and how it felt. Maybe its the same person, but not the one you knew. Not the life you dreamt of.

Or maybe someday your eyes wont bother about anyone's glance and closed, they will make you smile. Why should i envy you when its the same, the things i go through? I want to be you, You want to be me...With you or without...Then what is it that really matters? The garden. You make the grass greener this side. No matter how much green it is over the hedge, its not yours. And it will never be. You might enjoy an evening in my garden sipping wine and laughing, drinking whiskey and smiling when that song is played. But at night you will return to your home. And it will be the same again. I might be left alone looking at my green green garden and missing everything about you but never let you know...That all this while i was busy making it a perfect place for you, my place was lost in you.

Back Once Again With The Good Behaviour

Though i made this blog in 2008 but i think this was the right time to erase everything and start afresh. Bullshit or no bullshit, i choose to write and i really like to read my old posts, which, compared to the new ones, make me realize how matured or how damaged i have been since then!

The Credit also goes to a lot of my friends who made me read their blogs and told me not to hide my write ups anymore. Cheers to all of them!

The posts might, or might not be related to each other.